Backblast by Spit Valve (Geoff) on 08/02/2024

Backblast! Steel Sanctuary – Spit Valve – The Olympics (Army Fitness Test)

AO: Steel Sanctuary
Q: Spit Valve (Geoff)
PAX: Money Pit (Blake Anderson), Curves (Aaron Stork), Deductible (Jordon), BTS Bales, Flush (Clay Campbell), Gilmore (Jim T), Ham (Chris Schafer), Matt (Squirmy)
FNGs: None
Count: 9

For the last week before the official launch of Steel Sanctuary, the PAX competed in four “Olympic” events of the Army Physical Fitness Test
WARMUP:

  • SSH
  • Moroccan Nightclubs
  • Helicopters
  • Michael Phelps
  • Mosey the parking lot back to the awning

THE THANG:

Hand-Release Merkins

  • 2-minute timer
  • feet together or no more than a boot length apart
  • index fingers inside the outer edge of the shoulder
  • must maintain straight body – chest, hips, and thighs must hit the ground at the same time – no “peeling” yourself off the ground
  • do a T or “crucifix” with your arms at the bottom
  • you can only rest at the top of the Merkin–no resting at the bottom

Gold: Ham (49)
Silver: Deductible (48)
Bronze: BTS (41)
Honorable Mention to Gilmore (40), Deductible (48), and Spit Valve (40) who would’ve gone 1, 2, 3 after accounting for their age group

Sprint-Drag-Carry
For the real test, there would be a weighted sled drag, but we replaced it with a second kettlebell carry. We also used two 35-pound kettlebells rather than two 40-pound bells.

  • 25 meter sprint out and back
  • 25 meter double kettlebell carry out and back
  • 25 meter side shuffle out and back
  • 25 meter double kettlebell carry out and back
  • 25 meter sprint out and back

Gold: Deductible (1:10)
Silver: BTS (1:14)
Bronze: Ham (1:17)
Without the drag and 40 pound kettlebells, all of our numbers were a bit skewed, so I don’t have an age range ranking for this one.

10-Pound Ball Toss

  • Face away from the court and toss the ball backwards over your head
  • One practice toss, two real tosses, taking the best distance of the two real tosses

Gold: Deductible (38’0″)
Silver: Money Pit (35’6″)
Bronze: Ham (35’0″)
Honorable Mention for Deductible (38’0″) and Spit Valve (34’1″) who would have tied for first based on their age and Money Pit (35’6″) who would have been third.

Plank

  • Chill-cut position
  • Body must stay in a straight line – if you pike or sag, you are eliminated

Gold: Curves (3:30)
Silver: Flush (3:15)
Bronze: Ham (3:10)

We didn’t write down everyone’s times, so these might be slightly off, but I know we cut Curves off at 3:30 since we were over time and he had already won.

Final Medal Count:
4 – Ham – 1 gold, 3 bronze
3 – Deductible – 2 gold, 1 silver
2 – BTS – 1 silver, 1 bronze
1 – Curves – 1 gold
1 – Money Pit – 1 silver
1 – Flush – 1 silver

MARY: None
ANNOUNCEMENTS:

  • Deacon shirt and NE Wake shirts are up – see Spit Valve by August 9th if you want to go in as a group rather than by yourself.
  • Friday Night on White and the Bruh Beatdown are both next weekend.
  • The lunch at Perry’s has been moved to 8/23.